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"If you done had eight careers, your ass is dissatisfied." —Ann

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"This is a painting I did using what's called 'spit-shading'. In this process you use two brushes; one for ink and one for saliva." --HallowedSandwich

a memorandum by HallowedSandwich


Too many stories end with drugs
Success stories are corny
Is there anything in between?
Its a fucking trip, if those people I went to high school with saw me on the night when I was in fetal position in front of a shop at 3 or 4 am after being up for a week, yelling at cops that werent there.
Or when I was in that motel room (again up for at least a week) listening to voices through the vents that were saying "go hang yourself, do it now!"
I was one of those people you pass by in the seedy part of town and you say to your friend "that fucker is on one!". And if i went on another run, id be that guy again in a week or less.
Not sure who im writing to or what im trying to say or if im even going to hit that button that says 'save page'.
Guess im just writing this because im lying here in this homeless shelter, fucking lonely as shit with nothing but those fucked up memories and regrets (that wasnt even a drop of the shit I put myself through).
Im writing this cause not only am i a drug addict, but im a self-destruction addict. Everything ive ever had, ive pissed all over. I just didnt want it.
Im scared to get anywhere and move on because ill probably lose it again and upset those close to me.
Ive told those people closest to me to run, some listened and I cry over them and curse over them still.
So, I dont care if 0 people read this or 100. And i dont care what they think when they read it. Cause right now, i dont think i know anybody, and i dont think i ever have, and i have my doubts if i ever will. Especially myself.

"Like, this website is a conversation, the music is background entertainment, thus making a party of sorts" --HallowedSandwich.

note on spam

advise: t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶p̶a̶m̶ ̶b̶o̶t̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶f̶i̶l̶t̶r̶a̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶i̶d̶w̶i̶k̶i̶.̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶s̶a̶n̶d̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶s̶p̶u̶r̶i̶o̶u̶s̶ ̶p̶a̶g̶e̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶u̶s̶e̶r̶s̶,̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶b̶r̶o̶w̶s̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶c̶a̶u̶t̶i̶o̶n̶.̶ i am combating this problem is an ongoing fashion; so far i have taken up the simplest countermeasure--disabling all privileges for all users except for a hand-picked whitelist. that's why you have to email (join at to start making changes.



If you're not already supplementing with amphetamine and you want to learn your way around your study-mind in a different way, you could look into getting some. Honestly I wish all drugs were just freely available, but at least in the USA it can be prescribed off-label for a variety of indications one of which you probably satisfy.

I am currently taking 70 mg lisdexamfetamine, which is a precursor to the dextrorotatory enantiomer of the amphetamine molecule, every morning. It works well.


What I learned about abstract algebra

I learned that abstract algebraic objects can be thought of as human brain-states.

moving back and forth, swaying,
it's amalgamated from the posterior,
can't i remember what it is?
it's something to do with combat,
yes, it's clear now, that this life is a fight.

Yo what if we are computers but we don't realize it? Like we are building AI but we don't realize that it is a reflection of ourselves being built?

A more efficient way to learn math?

Moving quickly over massive amounts of material, just soaking it in, "getting used to it"